


heart beat beat beating

by hummingbirdswords



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:56:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingbirdswords/pseuds/hummingbirdswords
Summary: After finding out that Regina and her other half are back together as one being, Emma just wants to make sure Regina is all right. What starts out as Emma wanting to be there for Regina easily turns into something that is full of more than what Emma had expected -- not that she has any problems with this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This takes place sometime in the near future... after Regina's unsplit, as Emma called it. Hopefully it doesn't get confusing when I'm talking about Regina and Regina, because I wasn't exactly certain how to go about having Regina talk about herself without really talking about herself. (See! Even that made little sense.)
> 
> 2\. HUGE thanks to Joana for allowing me to write a fic inspired by her **[beautiful artwork](http://artbyjoana.tumblr.com/post/150926904467/artbyjoana-lay-me-down-can-i-lay-by-your#notes)**. Be sure to check out her other work and reblog/like/tell her how incredible she is... you know, the basics. 
> 
> 3\. Thanks to Trish for providing suggestions when I said I wanted to write more fics based off picture prompts. This is actually becoming a thing I'm going to do when I need something short to write. 
> 
> 4\. And, as always, thanks to Kez for everything!
> 
> 5\. Also... I absolutely hate figuring out ratings, but I think Mature is correct. There are sexual themes, I guess you would say, but it's not the focus of what's going on, so it's not explicit... I don't know. Don't come here looking for smut, is all I'm saying. 
> 
> Okay. Enough from me...

 (original caption)

\- ‘Lay Me Down’

'Can I lay by your side, next to you, you  
And make sure you’re alright?  
I’ll take care of you,  
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight’

 

.

 

.

 

Emma rushed up the stairs. She took them two at a time and let herself into her parents' apartment, the cold feeling of fear swimming through her veins. She had received a vague text message saying that it was done – _done,_ like she was supposed to know what that meant and what _it_ was. But then she felt the tremble of the Earth underneath her feet and sensed the magic in the air, and suddenly the lunch order she was waiting for held absolutely no importance to her.

 

“Where is she?” Emma asked frantically, unable to keep her voice from booming loud in the too-quiet loft when she pushed the door open. She could feel her heart beat beat beating like a drum before battle. She was out of breath from her run, hot underneath layers of clothing – but none of it mattered. Nothing mattered in that moment but one thing. “Where’s Regina?” she asked her wide-eyed parents, steadier this time.

 

David went to speak first, but Snow put a hand on her husband’s arm and stood up from the spot beside him on the small loveseat in the living room area. She had this way of smiling at Emma when Emma got worked up, like it would calm her down – like she _needed_ to be calmed down. It was a kind smile, her head tilted just so and warmth filling her eyes. But it was not what Emma needed. It didn’t explain why there was a sharp taste in the air and no sign of Regina, who she had left in the very room she now stood in with her heart beat beat beating too quickly. That smile did nothing to calm Emma, and she was in no mood to be calmed down when she had no idea what was going on.

 

“Before you go looking for her,” she started with a raised hand that soon touched Emma’s arm, “you should know that she is, well, fully herself once again. There weren’t any complications from what we could tell.”

 

Snow gently closed the front door and then moved her hand to Emma’s back to guide her to a chair. She met Emma’s eyes and brought the smile back to her mouth as she paused. She sounded happy enough about the news she had shared, but Emma could tell there was more she wasn’t saying.

 

“It went smoothly, uniting her two halves – but she doesn’t want to be bothered right now. And I think we should respect her wishes and give her space. These last months have been tough on all of us, but it’s been hardest for her.”

 

Snow took a seat at the table, but Emma couldn’t sit – there was too much energy accumulating inside of her, and she needed to move, to go. There were still hundreds of questions swirling around Emma’s head like a tornado, but air traveled to her lungs with a little more ease after Snow’s response. She could feel her worry slowly dissipating in the air as it left her body.

 

“She’s...” Emma licked her lips when she choked on the single word. She cleared the lump from her throat. “She’s okay, then? She’s...” _Alive,_ she only mentally said to herself, breathing out a relieved breath because she had imagined the worst of possibilities on her way over. There had been too many uncertainties lately, too many _ifs_ and _maybes_ and _hopefullys_ when they discussed uniting Regina with the other part of herself. Her eyes stung at the edges and her chin wobbled, but she bowed her head and squeezed her eyes tightly, fists balled on the table she leaned on. “She’s all right.”

 

A warm hand covered one of her own, stroking tenderly with a thumb, and then Snow repeated softly, “She’s all right.”

 

Emma felt like something inside of her was cracking and breaking, ready to shatter – and then she realized a moment too late that it was her, that it wasn’t anything inside of her but Emma herself. Her shoulders shook with a strong force and a strangled sound formed in her throat, more a pain cried than a sob. It was everything she had been holding in for so long, all the emotions she had been keeping inside of her because she needed to be strong and didn’t want Regina to go through anything alone, needed to be a rock so Regina still believed in her – in them.

 

But the fight was over, the battle won. There had been weeks of fighting Regina’s other half while simultaneously trying to protect her, not wanting to cause any harm to Regina – because she was _still_ Regina. There had been endless days and sleepless nights spent over every book they could get their hands on, looking for any information that would help them undo the split without hurting either of Regina’s halves. They had been on their own in the end, nobody but the family and their determination, no potions or easy fixes for them.  And Emma had held in how worried she was about something going wrong, about one (or both) of the Reginas getting hurt – or worse. Keeping it together had been mandatory, but the dam could take no more, it appeared.

 

She needed this moment, the release. A part of her wished the crash of emotions had happened while she was alone, where nobody could see or hear the raw emotion that clawed its way from her throat and rushed past shaking lips. But the part of her that still felt a pull, that knew where she needed to go next, was glad that she could get it out before she saw Regina. She wanted to go be strong for Regina, wanted to be a shoulder _she_ could lean on if she chose to. She couldn’t do that if she couldn’t even handle her own feelings.

 

Before she knew it, there were two sets of arms wrapping her up in a cocoon of love that helped calm the beat beat beating of her heart and slow down her breaths. She rested her head on David’s shoulder and felt her mother’s hand rubbing her back. She stayed there until she quieted, until she could think clearly once more. She let them comfort her without protesting, and then she took a steadying breath and stepped away from them, sniffing and blinking quickly.

 

She gave them a watery smile and wiped her hands across her face. “I’m–”

 

Snow shook her head, smiling with wet eyes. “You don’t have to explain,” she told her as she looked deeply into Emma’s eyes and nodded to something that had not been said aloud. “Go.”

 

Emma looked from her father to her mother and watched the way he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side. She leaned her head against him, their movements natural and fluid. Emma felt it even more then, the need to be near Regina, to be able to make sure she was all right.  

 

And so she left.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma lifted her fist and knocked gently on Regina’s bedroom door. Henry had let her in and then left, giving them time to talk without the worry of him eavesdropping – he’d given her a knowing look when he said that because he was used to them talking in hushed tones when they weren’t ready to include him in something that was going on. She had smiled and sent him off with a hug, telling him to text her when he arrived at his destination so she knew he was safe.

 

“Regina, it’s, uh, it’s me. Henry let me in on his way out.”

 

She heard movement on the other side of the door and the faint sound of what might have been a drawn out exhalation, and then Regina cleared her throat. “What do you want, Emma?” she asked. She sounded tired – and Emma didn’t blame her. Emma felt exhausted most days, so she could only imagine how Regina was feeling. She was better at hiding it than Emma was, but there was a heaviness to her voice that Emma recognized as fatigue.

 

“I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. You went ahead without me, and I wasn’t there in case you needed my magic,” she said as she licked her lips, adding in a much lower voice, “or me.”

 

The door opened after a few silent moments, just enough for Regina to look through the opening and at Emma. There was a questioning look on her makeup-less face, her eyes soft but a little guarded as she looked Emma over. But there was something _there,_ something between them in the air that Emma thought she might be able to reach out and grab onto, something that Regina was holding out for her even as she said nothing.

 

Emma swallowed and took a chance, testing something she wasn’t sure she should. “Are you going to let me in?” The left corner of her mouth twitched and she shuffled her feet a little, trying to ignore the beat beat beating of her heart as Regina openly considered, looked over her shoulder and then back at Emma like she was weighing her options. Emma could take a moment of being slightly uncomfortable under Regina’s assessing gaze if it meant Regina let her in, meant that the close bond that had formed naturally between them hadn’t been temporary.

 

She let out a slow breath. “If you bombard me with questions like your mother did, I swear...” Regina started warning as she stepped away from the door and pushed it open.

 

Emma held up her hands and walked in on sock-covered feet, quickly glancing around the room she had only been in once or twice since she arrived in Storybrooke. “I’m not here to ask questions. I just wanted to see how you were doing for myself. I wanted to - -” Emma turned to face Regina, who leaned against the closed bedroom door and watched Emma carefully, “- - I don’t know, maybe just be here for you.”

 

There was a look of surprise on Regina’s face for a moment, but then she looked away and wrapped her hands tightly around each other. Emma could see her fighting against something, could tell just by the way she held herself. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore, Emma. She’s– I’m...” Regina shook her head as though it would erase whatever thoughts were inside of it. “There is no longer anything to worry about.”

 

Emma felt that same feeling she had back at the loft, like something was being kept from her – except her mom had actually continued telling her everything. Emma was pretty sure Regina wouldn’t. It made her huff out a breath as she studied Regina’s turned away face. “As long as you’re around, I’m going to worry about you,” she said like it was obvious – because she thought it should be. “That’s not something that’s gonna stop.”

 

Regina looked at Emma out of the corner of her eye and said something that made Emma’s heart ache as she frowned. “Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t,” she said with deep sadness, and then she broke eye contact and moved over to the bed. She walked to the side farthest from Emma and sat down on the edge, back to Emma. Her shoulders were tight, her back rigid.

 

Emma stared blankly at the back of Regina’s head. She wasn’t sure where that had come from, but she didn’t like the sorrow laced into Regina’s words, nor the tired expression on her face when she said it.

 

She didn’t want to say the wrong thing in response, so she chose to say nothing. Instead, Emma took off her jacket and draped it over the armchair and then crossed over to the other side of the room. She looked at Regina for a moment, decided that everybody had been wrong, that Regina was not all right, and then sat down on the floor beside Regina’s legs, her back leaning against the bed. Silent comfort worked better sometimes – alcohol was her first choice, but with none in sight, this was the next best thing.

 

And so they sat there, silently, for long minutes where there was nothing between them but the connection between Emma’s arm and Regina’s leg.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“How long are you going to stay down there?” Regina questioned, and Emma looked up to find Regina’s brow furrowed with a hint of confusion.

 

Emma stretched her legs out in front of her and shrugged, crossing them at the ankles. “I don’t know. I think it’s been about fifteen minutes so far. Want me to keep track?” Regina rolled her eyes, and Emma couldn’t stop the small grin from appearing on her lips as she looked away from Regina and back to her lap. “You could have kicked me out if you wanted to. But since you haven’t...”

 

“It’s not too late,” Regina retorted, but then she sighed and let her hand fall on top of Emma’s shoulder and rest there, like maybe she thought Emma would take her comment seriously and get up and leave.

 

Emma only glanced at the hand on her out of the corner of her eye before she reached across herself and covered it briefly. Regina’s fingers flexed underneath her, knuckles rolling up against Emma’s hand, and then Regina squeezed Emma’s shoulder.

 

“I thought I was prepared for this,” Regina said with a heavy breath.

 

Emma raised an eyebrow and tilted her head back. “Are we talking now?”

 

Regina pulled her hand from underneath Emma’s and cupped it with her second hand, her focus being brought to them and away from Emma’s patient eyes. “Isn’t that what you came here for? If you’re going to sit there until I do, I might as well get it over with.”

 

“No.” Emma shook her head and turned around so she could face Regina without twisting her neck. She pulled her legs underneath her and rested an elbow on the bed. “I mean, yes, if that’s what you need, then I’m all ears. But, no, I didn’t come here to make you talk if you don’t want to. I just wanted to–”

 

“Make sure I was okay,” Regina finished, a small sound in her throat that was almost a laugh, a little bit of disbelief, “I know. Your mother was supposed to tell you that I was all right and that you didn’t need to come check on me. I had a feeling you would, regardless of what she told you, but a small part of me had hoped you would listen for once.”

 

Emma frowned as she worked through Regina’s words. “Did I do something?” she questioned, voice a little too quiet.

 

Regina furrowed her brow when she looked at Emma. “What?”

 

The beat beat beating in her chest intensified as she met Regina’s gaze. “Something feels off between us. I’m used to us being on the same wavelength, but right now I feel like there’s something separating us. And if it’s because of something I did, I wanna know what it was.”

 

Regina looked at Emma silently for a moment, her head tilted and her shoulder-length hair falling in front of her face. There was that same sadness that had been in her eyes when she looked at Emma before she moved to the bed earlier, but there was something deeper, something Emma felt like she had seen before but was still unfamiliar to her.

 

“There’s nothing that you have done wrong, Emma.” Regina pressed her lips together and dropped her eyes momentarily, appearing to gather her thoughts or work through something. “Self-preservation.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Regina wrung her hands together in her lap and cleared her throat. “I am aware of what I’m doing, that I am trying to block you out. It’s not because of anything you’ve done. I don’t mean to do it, although I am aware that I am. It’s just...instinct. I feel...” Regina shut her eyes and took a calming breath.

 

But Emma didn’t need her to finish. “Now that you’re, uh, unsplit, you feel it all, don’t you? You’ve got all the stuff you was already feeling plus the new stuff, and it’s a lot. That need to push everyone away, it’s stronger now.”

 

She nodded mutely, swallowing slowly. “Everything is stronger.” She gave a little mirthless laugh. “It’s as though I am currently feeling double of what I normally experience. While she and I are back to being one in body, on the inside, I can now feel both sets of my emotions, and they are neither settled nor aligned. Some of it feels like...” Regina fumbled over her words slightly and exhaled a frustrated breath. “I’m unable to find the proper words to explain what it feels like, but, trust me, it's no walk in the park for me at the moment.”

 

Emma put her hand on Regina’s knee and smiled carefully when Regina looked up at her. “I understand what you’re saying just fine.”

 

A small smile appeared on Regina’s mouth, and then she covered Emma’s hand with one of her own. “I’m sorry if I’m making you feel as though I do not want you here, because that isn’t the case. To be honest, I wasn’t truly hoping you would do as Snow said and give me space. I had hoped you might show up.”

 

Emma felt like maybe it was okay to let her worry completely fade away now. Regina still needed time before she was feeling 100%, but she was letting Emma in and willing to talk. Emma could be there for her, could help her through it, and that was all Emma could ask for. She just wanted to be there for Regina.

 

And so she said, “Well I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Another thirty minutes had passed, and in that time Regina had spoken more about what it had felt like when her two halves were brought back together and what it was like internally. She had spoken about the wave of anger that had crashed into her when they combined, how one of the first feelings she had experienced was rage – and she had admitted that she hadn’t been completely confident that she would be able to control it. But she had been. Regina had moved to sit with her back against the headboard, and Emma was still down on the floor looking up at her, and it had been half an hour of just talking.

 

A throaty laugh came out of nowhere and surprised Emma. “I think she actually _liked_ you,” Regina said with so much disbelief in her tone that Emma truly felt offended.

 

“Hey, I am _very_ likable. And ‘she’ and you are the same person, so of course she liked me. You like me.”

 

Regina hummed. “Do I?” she asked with a raised eyebrow and a little smirk she was trying to keep in a straight line.

 

Emma looked for something soft to throw at Regina, but there was nothing within her reach. Instead, she swatted at Regina’s leg and rolled her eyes. “You know you do.”

 

“I might,” she said, her face scrunching up a little, the bridge of her nose wrinkling in a way that was more attractive than it should be. Then, Regina paused and smiled warmly at her, a real, full smile that was the first of its kind since Emma had arrived, her eyes holding on to Emma’s for so long that the beat beat beating of Emma’s heart felt erratic. “However, I didn’t like many people when I was the queen. So the fact that she liked you, well...”

 

Curious, Emma sat up a little and asked, “How do you know she liked me? Excluding my mother, it seemed she liked getting under my skin the most.”

 

Regina chuckled with something in her eyes as she licked her lips. “When have I _not_ enjoyed that, Emma?”

 

“True.” She nodded. “But, still.”

 

Regina placed her hand over her heart and closed her eyes, a serene look forming. She was quiet for so long that Emma didn’t expect it when she spoke – but she did, and what she said made Emma need to close her own eyes and take a deep breath because it felt like all the air had left her body.

 

“Trust me, I can tell. I can feel the fondness that she – I – felt for you, the admiration. You pushed back when you were pushed, and you... You wanted to– for reasons not understood, you wanted to protect me, us. She felt something for you that I don’t think she even thought she could feel without the parts of us that she no longer had access to.

 

“And now I can feel that on top of what I already felt, and it feels quite extraordinary, to be honest.”

 

Emma couldn’t find her words; they had probably disappeared with the oxygen. So she just stared at Regina. Because what else did you do when someone was smiling with every muscle in their face, with such beauty and _light?_ Regina’s eyes opened and there was an almost shy look in them when she looked at her, but there was something beneath that, and Emma wanted to say she knew what that look was, because she had seen it directed at Henry so many times, but it couldn’t have been _that_ while she was looking at Emma. Could it be? She didn’t know, and since the words refused to help her out in that moment, she could only stare into the eyes she thought she might be able to drown in.

 

And so she did so happily, let herself drown in the deep deep deep pools of emotion that made her breathless.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma stopped noticing the passing of time after a while – but she knew one thing: the floor was no longer comfortable after a certain amount of it had gone by.  

 

After getting an odd look from Regina, Emma realized she was moving around a lot as she tried to get comfortable. She let out a frustrated breath. “My butt is killing me,” she complained and groaned, ignoring the mirth in Regina’s eyes. “Hand me one of those pillows, would you? I’m gonna lie on my stomach instead.”

 

“A pillow? From my bed? For you to put it on the floor?” Regina shook her head and made no move to pass Emma any of the free pillows at the top of the bed. “I don’t think so.”

 

Emma pouted. “Come on. The floor is hard.”

 

“Then sit somewhere else, Emma. Nobody told you to sit on the floor. There _are_ other options.”

 

Emma sighed and looked at the armchair. It looked so far away. “That’s, like, halfway across the world from here.”

 

“Do you need a lift?” Regina mocked playfully as she started lifting Emma without moving a finger, just a few inches from the ground before she gently placed her back down.

 

“I’m glad to see you’re in a better mood,” Emma muttered as she got up on her own, still pouting.

 

Regina rolled her eyes dramatically in response to the look Emma gave her. “It wasn’t the chair I was suggesting you move to, for the record. My bed _is_ big enough for two.”

 

And then that faithful beat beat beating started up again, and Emma had to bite her cheek and pray she didn’t look like she was freaking out. Because, holy shit, she was freaking out. Regina was clearing a spot for Emma right beside her – not at the foot of the bed, not at the edge, but right next to her. And Emma was still internally freaking out from earlier, from having Regina look at her with such tenderness in her eyes after telling Emma that she felt _things_ for Emma in her heart.

 

What the hell was air, and how did Emma get some of it?

 

“Emma?” Regina questioned, eying her curiously from the bed that suddenly looked smaller than the twin-sized ones she had sometimes needed to share as a kid.

 

It took her a moment to realize Regina had spoken, and then another to realize she had been called. Emma raised both her eyebrows, chewing on her lip and digging her fingers into the hips she held. “Hmm?”

 

Regina nodded her head to the spot on the bed. “The offer might not have a time limit, but that doesn’t mean you should spend the rest of the afternoon just standing there.”

 

“Right,” Emma agreed. Everything inside of her felt jumbled and out of control, and Emma had really thought she was done feeling this way. She wasn’t unaware of the reason behind the nervousness in her belly, she just didn’t expect it to be so strong. “In the bed. Okay. Yeah. I should go there.”

 

The brunette shook her head and smiled amusedly as she lay down on her back, looking away from Emma and up towards the ceiling. “The longer you stand there, the more awkward this becomes. And, Emma?” Her smile became softer, no longer amused but understanding of something that was unspoken. “There's no reason why this needs to be awkward. It won't be unless we choose to make it so.”

 

And so Emma got into the bed.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

When Emma had received the text message while inside Granny’s, she hadn’t imagined that a few hours later she would be in bed with Regina. But there she was, hands folded on her stomach, the sound of Regina’s voice in her left ear as they continued talking. They had been like that for so long that Emma was no longer stiff and worried about accidentally bumping an arm or leg into Regina. It felt natural once she stopped thinking about it too much. It didn’t need to be awkward, she agreed, even if there was this big cloud of unspoken words above them. It could be easy – just the two of them, no pressure to give more than what they were willing to give.

 

“How are you feeling now?” Emma questioned, turning her head to look at Regina. Emma kept slipping the question in when things would get silent, wanting to know the progress that was being made. She wanted to know if Regina was feeling better or worse, if there was anything she could do.

 

Regina made a vague noise in her throat, her eyes closed and her shoulder attempting to shrug but barely moving. It would soon be time for the sun to set, and Emma was looking forward to seeing the way the curve of Regina’s cheek, the line of her nose, and the dips and lifts of her lips looked with a softer light touching them. Emma had been stealing peeks every now and then of Regina all afternoon, but she was especially drawn to Regina in gray light when her face was washed clean and there were small wrinkles and marks and that scar on her lip for Emma to trace with her eyes, stories unknown to Emma that she hoped to one day learn.

 

Emma turned over and lay down on her stomach, tucked one arm under the pillow and the other between it and her head. She breathed out a tired breath, and it was followed by a small yawn. Regina opened her eye and looked at Emma, but she said nothing and closed it after only a second or two.

 

“Are you feeling more settled? I mean, do you feel like everything is more balanced inside now? Or are one set of your emotions still more prominent?” Emma questioned quietly, feeling sleepy and like she might actually be able to fall asleep in Regina’s bed.

 

Would Regina draw the line there and kick her out of bed? Or was that something else that didn’t need to be awkward? Emma didn’t want to think about it too long, didn’t want to risk getting herself hopeful when she shouldn’t.

 

“Far more settled than I had felt when I left the loft, yes.” She hummed quietly and then continued. “I can still distinguish between what had been there all along and what I had lost and gained back this afternoon. That might be because of the memories connected to the emotions. I have those, too, memories that don’t quite fit because they either conflict with the perspective I had, or they were something I wasn’t present for, so it feels, well...”

 

“Super weird. I know. After I found out my memories in New York weren’t real last year, it was weird having all these images in my head that never actually happened.”

 

Regina hmmed.

 

“I guess it’s a little different, but, I don’t know, I get it. Maybe not everything you’re feeling right now, but some of it.”

 

“They weren’t all completely fabricated,” Regina said softly, and then the bed shifted and she could feel something warm against her back – Regina’s hand resting against her shoulder blade for a moment and then sliding away. “The important moments – Henry’s first steps, for one – were real.”

 

Emma slowly blinked her eyes open and found Regina smiling gently at her, their faces inches apart. "Really?" Emma heard herself asking.

 

"Yes."

 

“The first time he said ‘ma-ma’?” she whispered, remembering the brightness in Henry’s eyes when he threw the rattle and the excited sounds left his mouth. It was one of her favorites, even though she now knew that it wasn’t her he had been calling.

 

Regina nodded with a smile that was warm and a contradicting mix of the purest joy and painful sadness. “I know how much you would have wanted to be there for those moments – even back then, I knew. It’s not the same, but...”

 

Emma’s heart beat beat beating was so loud that she almost didn’t hear the gasp Regina made when she quickly pulled her arm from underneath her head and wrapped it around Regina, her face moving into the crook of Regina’s neck in a semi-awkward half-hug that had her pulling Regina to her.  

 

“I never said thank you for that – but, thank you so much,” she mumbled against Regina’s neck, feeling a wave of emotions sweep across her and threaten to take her away. “You have no idea how happy I was that year,” she admitted quietly.

 

Regina stiffened for a moment, but then she relaxed and rolled ever-so-slightly so she could return Emma’s embrace, the first proper hug they had ever shared and it was in bed and with Emma feeling like her emotions were going to get out of hand like they had earlier.

 

“You had Henry. I can imagine how happy you were.”

 

Emma pulled back slowly, felt her cheek brush Regina’s face as she moved so she could look at her. She could only imagine how difficult that same year had been for Regina, how much pain she had felt not having her son with her, never believing she would be able to see Henry again. Emma had loved that year, yes, but she hadn't been the one who had lost someone. And Emma had almost let her selfish need to get away from Storybrooke and back to where things weren't so crazy worse for Regina, almost. 

 

“New York was great, yeah, but this, you know, this is where he belongs, and where I belong as well.”

 

They were so close that when Regina swallowed, it was the only thing Emma could hear. “Emma,” she breathed softly. Nothing followed her name, but there was nothing else needed.

 

“And I’m learning to be happy again, right here,” she added, the words heavy with more of those things she wasn’t really saying but was expressing so Regina knew. “The last few weeks have been hard for our family - -” she liked the way that sounded, and so she had been saying it more often, “- - but the little moments between battles and stress, _god,_ they’ve been everything to me lately.”

 

Regina’s eyes fell shut, but not soon enough for Emma to miss the glassy look in them Regina was undoubtedly trying to hide. She started to pull away as she muttered, “Sorry.”

 

But Emma didn’t let her move completely away, just enough to put some space between them, give her breathing room. She didn't want Regina to think she needed to hide any part of herself, not her sadness, her anger, her hurt, or anything else. “I cried before I came here,” Emma said, and it sounded more random than it had in her head. “Sobbed, really.”

 

Regina’s shoulders shook a little and she raised her hand up to her mouth. “What?”

 

Emma smiled and continued watching Regina, finding the confused look on her face amusing. “Emotions. We can’t hold them in forever, and you don’t have to pull away. That’s all.”

 

Regina nodded her head silently, but she didn’t close the distance back between them. “I just need a moment. I’m not going to leave you.”

 

The beat beat beating of Emma’s heart stopped for a moment.

 

Regina must have realized the words she had chosen and how much they could mean at the same time Emma processed them. She moved closer then and opened her eyes, blinking as she slowly brought her hand up to Emma’s face and touched her cheek with the one of the gentlest of touches Emma had ever felt. She raspily whispered, “I’m not going to leave you,” again, but this time with more meaning behind the words.

 

And then Emma’s heart started racing again and she couldn’t think of anything to say or do. But she wanted to hold Regina, hold her and keep her in her arms.

 

And so she did.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Loneliness.”

 

Regina’s voice surprised Emma as it ended the silence that had comfortably fell into place. She had been staring out of the window, thinking about not much at all, and absently dragging her fingers over Regina’s upper arm. Her skin was warm, left bare from the sleeveless shirt she was wearing. The sun had set a few minutes before, and the two of them had watched the colors change in the sky without needing to fill the silence with any words. It had been the most relaxing thing in their lives for months, and Emma was happy it was something they got to share – just them.

 

Emma’s head was propped up on her hand, her arm bent. She looked over Regina’s shoulder, Regina’s back to her as they rested on their sides. She glided her right hand up Regina’s arm and over her shoulder, and then brushed her hair away so she could clearly see Regina’s face. The soft strands slipped between her fingers and delicately dusted Regina’s skin. She shivered slightly and then licked her lips, turning back just enough to look at Emma, her shoulder blade pressed against Emma’s breast.

 

“You asked me earlier what it felt like for _her,_ which emotions were strongest. I felt an overwhelming feeling of loneliness when we were brought back together. After the anger settled, I felt almost empty. I had almost forgotten how that felt, but...” Regina smiled sadly and shrugged one of her shoulders just a little, attempting to brush off the comment.

 

But Emma felt her chest get tight and a sadness all the way down in her bones. She frowned. They were already close, closer than Emma had ever been to Regina, but she shuffled closer, leaving absolutely no space between them as she wrapped her arm around Regina and leaned her head against the brunette’s. Regina let out a shaky breath, and Emma released one of her own. She didn’t ask if it was all right, holding her like this, if she needed to back away – she didn’t need to. Regina pulled Emma’s hand into her own and pulled Emma closer, slipped their fingers together and held Emma’s hand to her chest. Regina was unguarded and pulling Emma close, so Emma knew that that had to mean something, knew that it meant a whole lot, and she knew that there was no need to run from any of it.

 

“How about now?” Emma questioned softly, speaking into Regina’s hair. It tickled her nose, but it smelled really good, so Emma didn’t bother repositioning herself. “And before, before New York.”

 

Regina took a while to answer, but that was all right, too. It wasn’t an awkward waiting period, just a quiet one. There was something calming about the even sounds of breaths in the silence, the way the room gradually became darker. Emma didn’t do still and quiet well with most, but it came naturally with Regina.

 

“There was a period where I did feel loneliness creeping in before New York, yes. After Robin died, there were a lot of my old emotions that started rising to the top. For a short period, yes, there was the feeling of loneliness and I believed it would get worse.” Regina huffed out a breath and held Emma’s hand tighter to her chest, so close that Emma could feel the steady beat of her heart. “But I was quickly reminded that I have other people in my life who want to be there for me. Henry and I stayed up watching old movies together, and Zelena was here, and my niece...”

 

“Family,” Emma breathed out, smiling a little. She could hear how important they all were to her, and Emma understood that feeling better than anyone else would.

 

“They didn’t allow me to feel the loneliness for too long.” Regina paused for a moment and then continued in a softer whisper. “When I was the queen, loneliness, anger, sadness... I didn’t know much else. I loved my father, but even that...” She cleared her throat. “I have a lot of regrets where he’s concerned, and those might never go away. But I loved him dearly.”

 

“I know you did. _He_ knew you did, too.”

 

Regina nodded silently.

 

“But there weren’t many people in my life that I cared for, and there were even less that I could go to in a time of need who didn't want something in return. I learned to rely on myself. I’d spent most of my life alone – in the moments that mattered, at least – so loneliness was something I was used to.”

 

“But not anymore.”

 

“Henry changed that for me.”

 

“But you were still lonely sometimes,” Emma said. It wasn’t a question. She understood. “It just wasn’t as strong as it was before.”

 

Regina merely hmmed.

 

She wasn’t expecting the conversation to continue. They had been drifting from topic to topic, talking about this and that and then letting an easy silence fill the room. It was something she had enjoyed as they got to know each other better, as their friendship deepened. Talking to Regina was natural and easy like it honestly wasn’t with most people. She couldn’t imagine herself spending hours talking to anybody else like she had done with Regina, couldn’t even imagine what she would have to say to anyone else for that long. But with Regina, she could. She wanted to know everything about her, wanted to tell Regina about things she hadn’t ever told anybody. She could talk to her about the difficult stuff, the things that hurt, and she liked that Regina could do the same with her. Emma didn’t have that with anyone else.

 

Believing the conversation to be over, Emma closed her eyes and sighed, relaxing against Regina’s warm body. But then Regina cleared her throat and started speaking again, and what she said only made Emma want to move closer, closer to the woman she had already been holding as close as she possibly could.

 

“It has mostly settled now, but feeling how heavy the loneliness was inside me when I didn’t have anybody reminded me how much genuine love I have in my life now, how many people I have on my side – and it has made me appreciate all of you all the more because of it. And you, especially you... You’ve been many things in my life since we first met, Emma – good and bad – but no matter what labels get attached to the two of us, I want you to know that you will always be important to me, special even,” she said with a quiet softness.

 

“Special,” Emma repeated breathily, the word reminding her of all the times she had used it to describe them, their magic, their connection.

 

Regina hummed and shifted slowly, turning her head. Emma opened her eyes and looked into Regina’s, matching the beautiful smile that stretched across Regina’s mouth with one of her own.

 

“I was reminded of something recently as well,” Emma said, still smiling even as her chest started feeling a little tight and her stomach fluttery. Regina raised an eyebrow. “I’ve spent a lot of time being worried about you lately, about not being able to find a way to safely bring both of you together again without losing some part of you or causing some type of damage. And that’s because of how important you are to me, how much you mean to me.”

 

Regina’s breath rushed out and hit Emma’s face, her eyes softening as she squeezed Emma’s hand.

 

Emma squeezed back. “Life gets crazy around here, and sometimes I still feel overwhelmed, but I found something unexpected and surprising because of everything that’s happened in my life these past few years. And that’s you. And I don’t want to lose that, or you. Because, yeah, you’re special to me, too. Very special.”

 

She smiled nervously at Regina when she finished, and then she closed her eyes and leaned back against Regina, glad the words were out there and no longer hidden away. She wanted Regina to have them, to think about them, and she could do whatever she wanted with them – Emma just wanted Regina to know that she was important to her as well.

 

And so Emma stayed quiet and let Regina process what she had said.  

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma’s head was on Regina’s chest when the vibration of her cell phone startled her from her half-sleep state.

 

“It’s yours,” Regina mumbled, apparently also somewhere between alert and unconscious.

 

Emma groaned tiredly, not wanting to move. Regina’s chest was soft and comfortable, and the phone was all the way down on the floor from when it fell earlier and she hadn’t bothered to pick it up. She wanted to sleep, or at least be able to rest, so she turned her head and moved it into the crook of Regina’s neck, nuzzling where she was warm and soft and smelt the way safety did.

 

“Don’t wanna get it,” she mumbled against Regina’s skin. She was tired, but not too tired to notice the pulse that jumped beneath her lips, not tired enough to miss the sharp intake of breath that met her ear. It made Emma’s own pulse quicken and a sleepy half-grin form.

 

Regina mmmed almost low enough for it to be hidden – perhaps if it weren’t so quiet in the room. “Emma,” she dragged out, two perfect syllables, stern. “It could be Henry. Get the phone.”

 

Emma sighed, knowing Regina was right but still not wanting to move. She clung to Regina for a moment longer and then pushed herself up, draping over Regina’s body as she reached for her phone, accidentally elbowing Regina in the process and mumbling an apology as she hung off the side of the bed and searched the floor.

 

“He wants an update. How are you?” Emma asked as she moved back on the bed properly. She lay down on her back beside Regina, phone held up above her head. She turned to look at Regina, the brunette’s eyes closed, face relaxed. Emma briefly pictured them like this before bed and felt her heart _leap_ at the thought.

 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask me, dear. I’ve already told him that I am well.”

 

“Yeah, but the kid knows better.”

 

Regina hummed in agreement and slowly opened her eyes. She looked around the room and then at Emma, yawning behind a hand. “Do I not seem like I am doing better now than I was before?”

 

Emma considered her answer and then typed out a quick message to let him know Regina was a-okay. She put her phone down beside her on the bed, that way she could easily reach it if he texted her again. It was was unlikely that he would since he was spending the night with friends, but it was there just in case.

 

She rolled back over to Regina and slid one of her legs between hers as she draped her body over the brunette’s, smiling at her as Regina made a surprised noise in the back of her throat. She could get used to this, she thought as their bodies naturally relaxed into each other. “You’ve let me cuddle with you for over an hour. I’m not sure if this is a sign that you’re feeling better or worse than before.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes before she shut them and brushed Emma’s hair away from her neck so her fingers could gently stroke there. It was a sensitive spot that Regina had discovered earlier. She had been going back to it every few minutes, making Emma’s insides feel like they were melting. Her fingers felt like magic on Emma’s skin, strong and skilled, applying the perfect amount of pressure and then releasing just when Emma’s eyes started feeling like they were rolling back into her skull. She kept having to bite her lip to keep herself quiet – but every so often a soft hum would escape and Regina would respond with her own, focusing a little longer wherever she was touching.

 

“Don’t overthink things so much. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me?”

 

It took Emma a second or two to remember what she had said that Regina was responding to, her mind fuzzy from pleasure and lack of oxygen due to the fact that she was holding her breath. She exhaled heavily against Regina’s skin before she responded, saying, “Yeah, but you don’t normally listen. No offense, Regina, but you’re not the best at just going with the flow.”

 

A small yet rich chuckle floated from her throat. “Perhaps I am learning to enjoy the moment and keep my overthinking to a minimum when I find it suitable.”

 

Emma raised her brow, and then her head, making those talented fingers fall from her neck. Regina was already looking at her when Emma searched for Regina’s eyes, answers to questions not yet asked waiting for Emma. She swallowed and shifted so she wasn’t putting too much of her weight on Regina, her elbow pressed into the mattress beside her.

 

Emma shifted again, licking her lips and keeping the hold she had on Regina, not moving her eyes away for even a second.

 

Or perhaps it was Regina who held Emma captive with her gaze, the look in her eyes hypnotic as she smiled up at Emma and pulled locks of blonde hair behind her ear. She could be many things, Emma knew, tempting and seductive, dangerous and full of anger, sad and hurtful when she lashed out, caring and loving, and so much more. Regina was still something Emma was learning, and she didn’t think she would ever finish; there was so much to her, so many layers, and so much that Emma wanted to get to know. But in that moment right then, Regina was just _Regina,_ soft eyes and an even softer touch, smiling at Emma with all the warmth and love that her heart was full of – and that was _a lot_ of warmth and love, enough to make the beat beat beating of Emma’s heart feel like too much inside her chest.

 

Emma bit the inside of her cheek and brought her hand to Regina’s face. Lashes fluttered slowly and then Regina turned her head and kissed the inside of her palm, pressing and holding her lips in place. It was unbelievable how tender the look in Regina’s eyes became, the way she could feel Regina’s lips moving, curving against her hand – smiling, perhaps.

 

Emma sighed at the contact and ran the tips of her fingers across the side of Regina’s face and then under her jaw, extremely aware of every quick beat her heart made as her hand traveled lower. Regina swallowed and tilted her head just so, silently giving her permission to go on. Emma followed the tendons in her neck with her fingertips and then moved to her clavicle. The room was still and quiet, but Emma paid close attention to the pattern of Regina’s breaths, curious, wondering how it would shake or rush if it were her lips and tongue that traced lines onto her skin. Emma wondered if Regina’s sudden inhale would be louder if she were to run her teeth against her collarbone instead of skating across it with the edge of a fingernail.

 

Blinking the images forming in her mind away, she pulled her hand away before she started something she couldn’t stop.

 

“You’re so soft,” Emma whispered, feeling her face heat when she realized the words that were in her head had actually left her mouth. “I don’t want to stop touching you.”

 

But Regina didn’t give her any reason to believe she needed to be embarrassed. She hummed softly in response and took Emma’s hand into her own, put in on her chest and closed her eyes, their fingers lacing together as Regina dragged them southward and pressed down, making them squeeze her breast together, Regina’s hand above hers and the soft flesh covered by smooth fabric beneath Emma’s own. Emma watched Regina’s lips part to release a soft breath, and before she could stop the sound from forming, she heard herself groan, eyes still locked on Regina’s face as heat pooled low in her belly.

 

“I don’t want you to stop either,” Regina said in a silky whisper as her eyes slowly opened, deep deep deep and so incredibly open and honest. “I want to feel you, and - -” Regina dampened her lips, sliding Emma’s hand over her stomach, “- - I want you to feel me.”

 

And so Emma straddled Regina’s hips and leaned down, hovering over Regina’s face as she whispered, “Touch me,” while her own hands started touching Regina.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

There was a moment that Emma knew she would think back on when she later remembered this night. It wasn’t the first kiss, or the three or four or maybe even eight that had followed since. (Emma couldn’t be bothered to remember how many there had been, couldn’t keep track when Regina kissed her long and deep and made her forget how to breathe momentarily.) It wasn’t even the way Regina sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down, moaning in her throat when Emma’s tongue traced wet patterns against the sensitive spots of her neck that she then sucked into her eager mouth. (Not that she wouldn’t think about that, too.)

 

The moment she would later think about was the one that was currently happening as she kneeled on the bed and Regina kissed up her stomach, eyes closed with the most blissful expression in full bloom. It was not the way her abdominal muscles fluttered, nor the way Regina parted her lips and Emma could feel the slight pressure of the brunette’s tongue as she glided her mouth slowly. It was the look in Regina’s eyes a moment later, when they fluttered open and Regina paused between Emma’s naked breasts, her bra somewhere out of sight.

 

The slow way her cheeks pulled and the small lines around the edges of her eyes became deeper, more pronounced was what Emma would remember. The way she could _feel_ Regina’s smile against her skin, lips no longer kissing but just resting there would be what she thought of. Her heart beat beat beating out the sound of Regina’s name, like a welcome home to the woman whose hand was above it, was what she would recall. It wasn’t about the kisses or the touches or the pleasure of the moment. It was about the connection, the closeness, the way everything was falling into place.

 

Regina had said she wanted to feel Emma and for Emma to feel her, and in that moment she did. Regina was in Emma’s heart, running through her veins, and in the air that she was pulling in with measured breaths. She was surrounding her, warm and familiar. It was not her touch that was most important, and Emma understood that – it was everything else. It was the look in Regina’s eyes, the trust, the open honesty, and the way they were drawn to each other like magnets and they could just let themselves naturally go to each other, no need to try to pull away.

 

They were both half-dressed, skin warming from the inside out from the attention they had paid to the other’s body with their hands and mouths. But when Emma felt like her breath was rushing out of nowhere and her heart was pounding, it wasn’t because of any of that. It was because something had hit her, something she guessed she had always known in the back of her mind that she had chosen not to pull forward. But now it was there, like a neon sign blinking, unable to be unseen.

 

She pressed a hand to either of Regina’s cheeks and made her come higher, closer, looking deeply into russet eyes as she gently pulled her. Her heart said it first with its beat beat beating, and her lips had probably already written the words on the parts of Regina’s body they had touched, left them there in secret code.  Her fingers would get their chance throughout the night. But it was Emma’s turn now, no words truer nor worked harder for. Emma felt like they had gone through so much together, and Regina deserved to hear them just as much Emma deserved to finally say them.

 

Close, so very close they were.

 

“Regina, I lo–”

 

“Wait,” Regina said suddenly, covering Emma’s mouth.

 

Emma frowned in confusion, her stomach dropping as the words died behind Regina’s hand.

 

“I know what you’re about to say, Emma.” Regina kept her hand in place and smiled sweetly at the blonde, her second hand moving back to rest atop of Emma’s heart. Emotions swirled like whirlpools in Regina’s eyes, so much there, open and powerful. “Trust me. I know, darling.”

 

Emma knew Regina could probably feel it, the way her heart lurched forward at the term of endearment she wasn’t expecting. (The way Regina paused, eyes widening just a small fraction, suggested she hadn't expected the word to leave her mouth either. She didn't take it back, though.) Just like she was unable to stop the nervous fluttering in her stomach, she had no control where her heart was concerned. It pounded and jumped and got far too excited because of Regina, and Emma couldn't do anything to stop that. 

 

The brunette leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together as she slowly slipped her hand away. “But before you say it aloud, please be certain you’re ready for what that will mean for us, that you understand that there will be an inevitable shift in our relationship – hopefully, a positive one. If you’re not ready for more than what we already have–”

 

“I’m ready,” Emma rushed out, unwilling to let Regina talk herself into doubting what was between them when she knew they were right there at the same place together, ready to cross over the line, not the finish line, but the one at the beginning of the lives they could– no, would share together. “I’m so ready. You have no idea how ready I am, honestly.”

 

Regina nodded her head against Emma’s, arms wrapping around her neck. “I’m not easy to love, and I’m–”

 

“Shh. You’re stealing my moment,” Emma whispered lightly, smiling gently and rubbing Regina’s back soothingly. She could hear the raw emotion in her voice, could tell things were bubbling up inside of her. She moved her head so she could press a lingering kiss to Regina’s mouth, exhaling as their lips pressed together. “You’re wrong, you know?” she mumbled between shorter kisses, pecking the corners of Regina’s mouth.

 

Regina pulled back, her eyebrows knitted together.

 

Emma couldn’t help herself, had to lean back in and kiss her. This time, she did so on Regina’s wrinkling forehead, soft and gentle before meeting her eyes. “There is nothing difficult about loving you. Trust me. I know what it’s like trying to love someone who's hard to love, and that’s not what it’s like with you. Loving you is natural and rewarding. I can actually say I’ve seen your good and your bad and your in between now, and I honestly love every single bit of you.”

 

Regina looked like she was ready to protest, but she smiled instead and leaned forward and brushed her lips across Emma’s. “I love you, too,” Regina whispered like a promise, something she needed Emma to know was true. “Your good and your bad, all of you. I love you, too, Emma Swan.”

 

Overwhelmed by the rush of emotions, the ones that felt like they had been building up somewhere in the background for too long, Emma could only nod against Regina, feeling the need to kiss her and be closer to her, connected.

 

And so she pressed her lips to Regina’s and held on to her.

 

.

 

.

 

. 

 

They were naked, sitting in the middle of the bed with rumpled sheets surrounding them. The room had lost what little natural light had been left after the sun set long ago, and now the lamp lit the room with its soft golden light.

 

Regina had said it to her earlier, that she wasn’t going to leave Emma. But with Regina’s legs hooked over her thighs and wrapped around Emma, strong arms clutching and holding the blonde to her, Regina’s head leaning against her shoulder, mouth against Emma’s skin, Emma felt like it was she who needed to say the words. Regina was holding on to her like she thought Emma might vanish if she didn’t. She held onto Emma like she _needed_ her. And Emma just wanted her to know that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she had no desire to be anywhere else.

 

Running her hands up the plane of Regina’s back, feeling the slight ridges of her curved spine beneath her slowly gliding fingertips, Emma peppered the side of Regina’s neck with kisses. Her fingers curled into the other woman’s skin as she held her closer, tighter. She brushed a tender kiss behind Regina’s ear and then lightly nipped before parting her lips above it, feeling Regina shiver in her arms as Emma’s breath teased her skin.

 

“I have you,” she said in a low voice, speaking directly into her ear. She heard Regina’s breath hitch and she gripped her tighter for emphasis. “I’ve got you.”

 

And she did. Without even considering moving away, she let Regina hold on to her for as long as she needed, keeping at least one of her own hands on Regina’s back the entire time. It was exactly what she had wanted to be able to do – maybe not how she expected it would happen, but, still, what she hoped she would be able to give to Regina. It was the constant presence of someone there, the shoulder to lean on, and the comfort that Emma had come over with in mind, wanting to be the person Regina could count on being around when she needed somebody. She wanted to be what Regina so often was for her, and it started with moments like the ones they had shared throughout the day.

 

Regina untangled her arms from around Emma’s neck after quiet minutes of breathing and soft hums and slowly moving hands back and forth over skin. She ran her fingers through blonde hair when she pulled back, golden light reflecting in her eyes and making them glow as she traced the lines of Emma’s face silently. She raked her nails against Emma’s scalp and pushed her hair behind her ears. She let her fingers continue down Emma’s jawline, outlining with only the tips of her fingers. The way she looked at Emma made her feel like Regina was trying to memorize every curve of her, every line and freckle. The concentrated look, the slightly furrowed brow... Regina brushed her thumbs over Emma’s cheeks and then hummed softly before whispering something under her breath that Emma couldn’t make out at first.

 

“You are beautiful,” she repeated with the warmest of smiles, sliding her hands down down down, over Emma’s neck and shoulders and then her arms, capturing Emma’s hands in her own.

 

Emma leaned forward and firmly pressed her mouth to Regina’s, heart beat beat beating. As their fingers curled together, Emma moved her lips across Regina’s and flicked her tongue out to tease them apart. She felt the legs wrapped around her tighten and Regina leaning forward as she opened her mouth to Emma, sighed in pleasure, and then slowly slid her tongue over Emma’s. She earned herself a deep moan, Emma’s blood running hot in her veins as she pushed back into Regina, the easy push and pull, give and take of the night feeling right for them.

 

Their hands laid between them on Regina’s bare thighs. Emma gripped with extra force every time her heart skipped, every time Regina nipped at a lip or moaned in her throat, every single time she made Emma feel as though her body was drowning in pleasure. Regina only kissed her more passionately in response, lips softer than the inside of rose petals but eager, sucking and pressing and always making Emma feel like Regina could happily spend the night just kissing on her.

 

A rumbling moan tumbled out of Emma’s mouth as her head tossed back. Regina mmmed and ran the straight edges of her teeth over the blonde’s jaw before bending her head and moving lower, tasting and kissing and sliding her tongue over the side of Emma’s neck. It was one incredible sensation after another. Emma was breathless and seeing spots behind her eyelids from how tightly she squeezed her eyes.

 

“Oh yes,” she let out on a shaky exhale, needing her hands so she could feel more of Regina, touch more her.

 

Regina made a throaty sound that was a mix of a chuckle and a groan, and then she latched onto the spot she seemed to favor on Emma’s neck. It was where her blood rushed and her pulse pump pump pumped harshly when Emma got excited. Regina pulled the sensitive flesh between her lips and sucked slowly, hard and purposeful, and Emma could feel every strong pull, every vibration as Regina hummed against her, and it made her head _spin._

 

Their hands left the other’s and started traveling along what were now familiar curves and dips. Regina was handsy, liked to touch, to squeeze, had left imprints on Emma’s back and thighs and arms of her fingernails, digging into Emma’s fair skin with so much pressure that there were a few tiny bruises that had formed. It wasn’t about the pain, Emma realized – although Emma enjoyed that, too, gasped and twisted in a way that seemed to turn Regina on further. It was that close close close need, Regina pulling her in, holding her, tight tight tight when she chanted Emma’s name like a prayer under her breath.

 

Emma just wanted to be able to feel all of Regina. She wanted Regina to be able to tell how much Emma wanted her just from the way she touched her, from the way she couldn’t keep her hands off her body for too long. But she also wanted to know for herself how every inch of Regina felt, wanted to discover the spots that made Regina sigh and moan and shiver with pleasure.

 

And so she did, touched everywhere she could as Regina fell down to her back and pulled Emma with her.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

It was later, much later.

 

Regina had fallen asleep, and after Emma had lain there beside her for a little while, content just being beside her, she had gotten up from the bed. With the help of her magic, she was able to slip on a pair of clean underwear and a soft ribbed tank top before quietly leaving Regina’s bedroom, her clothes still all over the place, her phone on top of the pillow she had been sleeping on, not wanting Regina to think she had left the house if she were to wake up.

 

Wake up, Regina did.

 

She was in the kitchen, standing in front of the open refrigerator when Regina found her and wrapped an arm around her from behind. Emma only jumped a little at the unexpected contact, but then she leaned back into Regina and hummed softly, turning to look over her shoulder with a grin. Regina’s smile was sleepy but so damn beautiful that Emma had to kiss her, _had_ to.

 

Regina mmmed against Emma’s lips and returned the brief kiss. “Here you are, and you left me for food,” Regina mumbled into the crook of Emma’s neck, yawning as she laid her head on the back of Emma’s shoulder. “I don’t know why I am even surprised.”

 

Emma half-chuckled and reached for the sandwich meats and cheese. “You were sleeping, and I’m starving. I was only gone for a few minutes. Don’t tell me you missed me in your sleep,” she joked.

 

Regina scoffed as she pulled away from Emma to let her move over to the kitchen island. “Hardly. I was just curious about your whereabouts. I certainly wasn’t expecting to be waking up alone, however,” she said with a small hint of something that Emma thought might be hurt.

 

Emma frowned as she placed her sandwich things down and looked over to Regina. She was wearing a midnight blue robe with a long sash that she was working back and forth through her fingers as she leaned against the counter. Emma moved over to her and put one of her hands on top of Regina’s and used the other to lift her face, grasping her chin and making Regina turn her head up to look at her.

 

Regina pulled her face away defiantly, but she slid her fingers between Emma’s and held her other hand.

 

Emma’s shoulder dropped a little and she leaned forward until she could touch Regina’s forehead with her own. She didn’t say anything, just stayed like that until Regina sighed and she could sense the tension leaving Regina’s body.

 

“Would you like a sandwich?”

 

Regina shook her head and moved the few inches necessary to bring their lips together. “I didn’t come down here for food,” she told her, “just you.”

 

Emma grinned into the kiss and pressed Regina up against the counter, stroking the side of her face and then curling a hand around her neck. Regina made one of the soft breathy sounds Emma liked and pulled her hand away from Emma so she could wrap her arms around her, hands sliding over Emma’s ass and pulling her closer. Emma made a surprised sound that Regina swallowed, the brunette’s tongue skillfully flicking and licking and finding that sensitive spot at the roof of Emma’s mouth that made her body shake.

 

It was a long, deep, passionate kiss, and when Regina pulled away, Emma felt hot all over and breathless.

 

“Damn,” she breathed out as her eyes blinked open.

 

Regina smirked at first, but then there was laughter in her chest that was spilling out and filling the kitchen. “Go make your sandwich so we can go back upstairs,” she ordered lightly, tapping her hand against Emma’s butt and leaning up for a gentle peck to her lips, that light laughter still in her voice.

 

Emma bit at the corner of her mouth and turned away, trying to keep the wide grin that was pulling at her lips under control.

 

She made her sandwich and cut it in half, put everything up, and then slid half the sandwich over to where Regina now sat on the other side of the island. Regina rolled her eyes but picked up her half and took a small bite, chewing thoughtfully like she was judging Emma’s sandwich-making skills of all things. Emma simply grinned into hers and took a healthy bite, leaning over the island and watching Regina.

 

Seeing Regina in the middle of the night in nothing but a robe, eating a sandwich, did _things_ to Emma. It also made her think about how much Regna had let her in, not just this night but so many times before. She was willing to bet she knew things about Regina that nobody else did, that she hadn’t ever told anyone else. She had parts of Regina that were all hers because Regina chose to give them to her, and Emma couldn’t get over that.

 

The brunette raised her brow questioningly. “You’re staring.”

 

“I’m thinking.”

 

Regina hummed and took another small, neat bite.

 

Emma chuckled to herself, shaking her head as she straightened up and finished her own half. She took out a cup and filled it with water, drank half of it down, and then put the cup in front of Regina in case she wanted it.

 

Regina gave her a strange look, like she was trying to figure out what was going on in Emma’s head. “What?”

 

Emma shook her head. “Nothing, really. I’m just...” She chuckled again, smiling as she tilted her head and looked into Regina’s eyes. “You make me happy, that’s all. I’m happy.”

 

Regina’s lips parted slightly and she breathed out, “Oh,” her cheeks flushing. She licked her lips and wiped the corner of her mouth before reaching her hand across the island and covering Emma’s. “As am I – quite happy, indeed.”

 

Emma grinned, in no rush to get back upstairs or to do anything. She just wanted to stay right there for a moment.

  
And so she stayed, stayed until Regina yawned and Emma said, “Let’s go to bed.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma rolled over in the middle of the night and was confused when she felt a warm body where cold sheets should be. But then the fogginess caused from her sleep cleared and a wide grin stretched across her face as she opened her eyes and focused on the body beside her until she could clearly make out the curve of Regina’s shoulder in the dark.

 

She reached out her hand to brush Regina’s hair away from her face, but she paused just before reaching the tousled locks that were anything but Regina’s preferred perfection. She brought her hand down to Regina’s naked chest instead, traced a line along her sternum, hummed softly, and then reached for the sheet down around Regina’s waist. She pulled it higher on them and moved over, rested her head against the other woman’s chest and closed her eyes.

 

It felt like so much had happened in the last day, but the only things on her mind were that Regina was safe, there in one piece, and Emma got to be there with her.

 

The words she had said more times to Regina in one night than she had said in some of the relationships she had been in were there, hovering in the air, reminding her that she hadn’t even waited until they were dating to say them – but beneath her head was the beat beat beating of Regina’s heart that reminded her life wasn’t something to take for granted. She loved Regina, plain and simple, and there was no reason she needed to keep that to herself. Too many times she had been faced with the possibility of losing her for Emma not to finally let Regina know what she meant to her. 

 

She turned her head and whispered the words again, just because she could, not needing Regina to hear them this time. This time, it was just about Emma being at a place where she actually felt like she could say those words to someone and mean it wholeheartedly, no obligations or duties to fill, just honest emotions that felt right.

 

Nearly making Emma jump out of the bed, Regina raspily whispered, voice full of sleep, “I know, Emma, now go to sleep.”

 

And so Emma lifted her head and kissed the corner of Regina’s mouth before moving back down to her chest, letting the beat beat beating of Regina’s heart send her to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading xx


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